I only know what it's like to have twins. I have no other experience. When people find out I have twins they say things like, "I wish I had twins," or "I can't imagine having twins". I only know double. Having a singleton is such a foreign concept to me. I didn't want to have twins. It was never, ever anything I even thought of. Not even once, even though multiples run in my family (which they say it is not genetic, but I seriously have a hard time believing that with how often it has occurred on my family tree). I guess I believed the whole "It skips a generation" thing or maybe never thought it would happen to me. But it did.
I remember the day we found out there was more than one bun in the oven. My OB had an intern working with her and she muttered under her breath that she thought she saw 2 during my second ultrasound. The images weren't really all that clear because I think I was only 8 weeks and it was just too hard to tell and looking back on my first ultrasound pics the girls were directly on top of one another so it looked like one big baby. I honestly think my doctor did not want to admit she didn't catch it on my first sonogram, so she sent us to an ultrasound imaging specialist to make sure because having multiples is a big deal. Kevin and I were in shock and did not really know how to react. I was so anxious to find out what they would say. We both just kept saying, "This is crazy!".
I will never forget what the ultrasound tech said, "Do you see what I'm seeing here?". Of course we did!!! 2 little squirming tadpoles flipping around in my stomach. I was in complete shock. The tech said I could get dressed and she would print out the pictures for us. As soon as she walked out of the room and the door closed I started bawling. I was absolutely petrified. A normal gestation is one baby. And you get one crib, one car seat, and have one little bundle to spoil and spend all your time on. I had to rewire my brain to envision 2 cribs, 2 car seats, a double stroller, and 2 little ones vying for my attention. It was and has been the most overwhelming and scariest moment of my life. Even scary than my premature labor scares later in the pregnancy. Scarier than my C-Section. I will never forget the complete state of fear I was in at that moment.
But Kevin took me in such a warm embrace and kind of chuckled. He said it was a beautiful moment and that everything was going to be ok. He reassured me he was going to take care of me and our family. I pulled myself together, we walked out of there, and our journey as parents to multiples began.
I won't lie, there have been many times we have wondered (and even wished on the horrible days) what it would be like to have a singleton. I tell myself things like it would be a piece of cake. Breastfeeding would have been 100 times easier and I would have been able to do it longer. We would have less expenses. I mean, the list could go on until my kids turn 18! But then I think things like if I just had one baby maybe it would have been the most difficult baby ever and posed even more challenges than my girls do. Who is to say, right?
Someone once told me my body was "magic enough to take some dude's load and make two beautiful babies of it, so I shouldn't waste time worrying about the little things". And I finally realize how freaking true that is. I am special. I am not suppose to know any other way. I have two amazing little humans who I am doing a pretty awesome job of raising with their Dad. Every day new challenges arise and these are helping to shape me into not only the parent, but woman I am. Having twins is teaching me certain things I am suppose to experience about life and about myself. I would not have it any other way.
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