Episode 03

Episode 02

Episode 01

Episode 00

I Am A Horrible Stay At Home Mom

I logged on to Blogger after almost a year of inactivity. I mainly use Instagram (because blogging is dead right?) and have been putting a lot of my focus into the Millennial Mother podcast. But I found this draft and decided to post it now, a year later. I got hired at my current job a month after I wrote this last year. The girls started 1st grade today. It always gets better!

P.S.
My house is still always a wreck and I still walk around in circles not really completing any chores or projects (because I most likely have ADHD,which can be it's whole own post, maybe sometime soon). But it's fine! Sometimes we can't sweat the small stuff. There will always be more time to catch up on laundry or dishes.

P.P.S.
The picture is from around the time I wrote the original post content, just for kicks. We have all grown so much in just 365 days.

*****

I made the decision to leave my job back in July. I was the lead teacher and my daughters attended the same school for Pre-K. It was not a good fit for me and my family to stay there, so we left. Kevin and I talked about everything before hand and decided I would stay home with the kids until they started Kindergarten and then find a new job. It was great. We went camping and made some amazing memories. The girls enjoyed a relaxing summer leading up to the big transition to K.

Now it’s almost the end of September. The girls are (sort of) adjusting to Kindergarten and we are getting into a decent routine during the school week. But I am miserable. I am not a good stay at home mom. I am not a good self-motivator. I feel like I can’t get anything accomplished even though I have all this time. When I was working I dreamed of just being able to stay home and thought of all the chores/errands/projects I’d get done. This is not my reality. My house is still a wreck half the time, I avoid going grocery shopping, and I literally feel like all I do is walk around in circles trying to figure out what to do and never start doing anything.

I have a really great work ethic and pour myself into my position when I am working. Work is my escape and not having that these past few months is starting to catch up to me. Staying home is so isolating, living in a place with not many friends or close family. It has been ramping up my anxiety to crazy levels. I don’t want to go anywhere or do anything, which in turn continues this cycle of anxiety.

I have put my resume out there and applied for a few jobs, but nothing yet. I am staying positive and I know the right opportunity will find its way to me, but this waiting game is killing me! So, in the meantime I am going to work on getting my anxiety under control and make the most of this free time I am sure I will crave once I do get back to work. Fingers crossed I can write about starting a new job soon!