I logged on to Blogger after almost a year of inactivity. I mainly use Instagram (because blogging is dead right?) and have been putting a lot of my focus into the Millennial Mother podcast. But I found this draft and decided to post it now, a year later. I got hired at my current job a month after I wrote this last year. The girls started 1st grade today. It always gets better!
P.S.
My house is still always a wreck and I still walk around in circles not really completing any chores or projects (because I most likely have ADHD,which can be it's whole own post, maybe sometime soon). But it's fine! Sometimes we can't sweat the small stuff. There will always be more time to catch up on laundry or dishes.
P.P.S.
The picture is from around the time I wrote the original post content, just for kicks. We have all grown so much in just 365 days.
*****
I made the decision to leave my job back in July. I was the lead
teacher and my daughters attended the same school for Pre-K. It
was not a good fit for me and my family to stay there, so we left. Kevin and I
talked about everything before hand and decided I would stay home with the kids
until they started Kindergarten and then find a new job. It was great. We went
camping and made some amazing memories. The girls enjoyed a relaxing summer
leading up to the big transition to K.
Now it’s almost the end of September. The girls are (sort
of) adjusting to Kindergarten and we are getting into a decent routine during
the school week. But I am miserable. I am not a good stay at home mom. I am not
a good self-motivator. I feel like I can’t get anything accomplished even
though I have all this time. When I was working I dreamed of just being able to
stay home and thought of all the chores/errands/projects I’d get done. This is
not my reality. My house is still a wreck half the time, I avoid going grocery
shopping, and I literally feel like all I do is walk around in circles trying
to figure out what to do and never start doing anything.
I have a really great work ethic and pour myself into my
position when I am working. Work is my escape and not having that these past
few months is starting to catch up to me. Staying home is so isolating, living
in a place with not many friends or close family. It has been ramping up my
anxiety to crazy levels. I don’t want to go anywhere or do anything, which in
turn continues this cycle of anxiety.
I have put my resume out there and applied for a few jobs,
but nothing yet. I am staying positive and I know the right opportunity will
find its way to me, but this waiting game is killing me! So, in the meantime I am
going to work on getting my anxiety under control and make the most of this
free time I am sure I will crave once I do get back to work. Fingers crossed I
can write about starting a new job soon!
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