‘Boys will be boys’. I’ve never been fond of this adage. It sounds as if boys are born aggressive, with lower thought processes and girls are sweet, dainty little things. What I find so ironic is that when males are young, it seems as if they’re constantly having excuses made for their behavior and choices, and yet as they get older they’re conditioned to be leaders, in one form or another. Why did everyone decide that males were born to dominate and females born to nurture? Are men so above reproach that we just blindly follow them because women are deemed too emotional to be leaders? I firmly believe that women are as capable as men to do ANYTHING. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t distressed by the state of the female consciousness. Everywhere I turn there is competition. Who raises children better, truly embraces her femininity in the best way, has given into the pressure and is ‘too sexy’, gone on a ‘power trip’ in the corporate world because she is driven, has ‘bowed down’ to her male partner and is ‘weak’? I’ll be the first to admit that I have seen a beautiful woman walk buy and out of jealousy called her slutty or made fun of what she was wearing. I know I’m not the only one. Why, why, why do we do this to one another!?
I made my first ever resolution this year. I vowed to educate myself on women. I want to know more about our struggles, triumphs and current events. I want to raise up my sisters everywhere and encourage them to embrace themselves in whatever fashion they feel expresses who they are in their hearts. If a woman feels strong expressing herself in beautiful clothes, perfect hair, and walking around in heels, how is it any different that a woman finding her inner self through motherhood, breast feeding, and educating her babies? Let’s also be clear that I’m not saying we should encourage young girls to dress sexy and do what they want. Men have had the upper hand in our society for thousands of years, how can we expect to be seen and treated as equals if we can’t stop focusing on our own silent competition with each other? One of my biggest concerns with raising my son is that he will become a man who doesn’t see women as intellectual, emotional, social and economic equals. It’s what has been my biggest driving force in changing who I am. I don’t want him to grow up hearing me speak negatively about other women or myself for that matter. I don’t want him to think he can do whatever he wants because he’s ‘just a boy’, or that because he lucked out and was born with a penis that he somehow wins the life lottery and can have whatever he wants. I want him to know that he has to work as hard as anyone, and that females are his equals in this world.
I recently watched a documentary on Netflix called Miss Representation. I have never been so appalled in all my life. The statistics alone were shocking. Media influence, self-image, female leadership (or the lack there of) are all ran or effected by men. Girls are growing up being told X is attractive, X is smart, X is what boys like and what every beautiful famous woman has. They then develop into women STILL running the rat race competing to have more, be more and do more than other women. Girls are growing up depressed because they are seeing unrealistic goals set by men. Where are the women in leadership positions? Where are the women who have been little girls, pre-teens, teenagers and young adults? Why are they not stepping up to help today’s female youth become the strong women leaders of tomorrow? They’re out there, but the ugly truth is that the media (again run by men) chooses not to expose them. Women in the U.S. hold 15% of senior management positions, most of those in H.R. and finances. Women as CEO’s fall to 6% in the U.S., one of the lowest in the world. Even when it comes to women’s issues, women aren’t the ones being asked and quoted. How can we empower our children to be responsible adults when our most basic understanding of each other is completely false? Women aren’t being asked their opinions, were being TOLD our opinions!
All of the statistics and quotes in the world don’t change a thing. I can complain about being called ‘sweetie’ and ‘hon’ by men until I’m blue in the face. The bottom line here is nothing will change unless we want it to. By taking a chance and speaking out against sexism, we take steps to make our children’s future better. I’m aware that my stance on the issue is not the general consensus and I may seem extreme to some, and I’m willing to take that risk. Boys are boys and girls are girls; that doesn’t mean there should be two different lives for them. I refuse to raise my son in a world where he should see his female peers as inferior whether they are stay at home moms or running corporations, or that he is any less of a man should he decide he wants to be a stay at home father. Sexism is not a dirty word, it is a reality; one that we as parents must face if we want our children to grow to their fullest potential. I not only encourage but urge everyone, male or female, to make changes to support our youth. Stop judging women based on appearance, don’t judge men for being emotional, encourage assertiveness in everyone. Women stop competing and berating each other. Embrace your sisters and lift each other up! Be proud of yourself and stop limiting yourself with negative thoughts and speech. You are not fat, gross, ugly or unworthy. You are strong and magnificent. You are more than you give yourself credit for. We are stronger than our limits and the people that put them there. Be bold for your sons and daughters. Our vaginas do not define us.
Ashlee A. is an exhausted 28 year old mother of an exuberant 2 year old bear, Judah. When she's not keeping hairspray, screwdrivers and dishwasher tablets out of curious hands, she loves to crochet, knit, embroider, sew, paint, draw, read and bake. Her and partner Sean cumulatively collect Batman, Dr. Who and Star Wars memorabilia, comic books, vinyl records, local art, and all things sci-fi. They all live in the great republic of Texas with their two cats, Rorschach and Lola.
You can follow her on Instagram & Pinterest @ashleejacoe
