Hi, I'm Exhausted.

The girls woke up at 6:00 a.m., so that is when I woke up this morning. They don't scream and cry when they wake up, which is a plus. I just heard them "talking" to each other and laughing. It's cute, but only as cute as 6:00 a.m. allows. I did not want to move. I laid in bed for maybe ten minutes and then forced myself out into the day. Bleary eyed, I prepared the morning bottles and went to get the girls.

They got so excited when they saw me walk into their room, which is their typical reaction every morning. They smile and reach for me. They got fresh diapers on their cute baby butts and then I plopped them both on the couch for bottles. I have mastered the art of feeding twins. I have also mastered the art of using my foot to turn on Netflix.

The girls played in their new Rugrats style baby playpen (thanks Grandma!) for about an hour before they started getting tired and wanted to go back down. I jumped back into bed and slept for another hour before getting ready for work. This consists of me throwing on my uniform, putting my hair into a ponytail, and spending less than 10 minutes on my makeup. They were waking up again before I had to leave. I made their oatmeal cereal and fruit and Kevin started his day with the babies.

I worked from 9:30 to 4:30 today. Not really focusing on my job, just thinking of all the things I needed to do when I got home. I made several lists in my head, but forgot everything. I thought about my family at home and how I longed to be there with them. I thought about how exhausted I was and how I am probably going to be exhausted for the rest of my life. I thought about how I was too tired to take a shower last night and wondered how many other moms didn't shower last night because they were just too tired and did not care. Then it was time to go home. Finally!

I had to stop and fill up the gas tank. I braved my way through traffic. I got home, checked the mail, and came into a quiet home with napping twins. Their schedules have been pretty erratic lately, as they have been teething. I desperately wanted to nap, but decided to catch up on Facebook, Instagram, and write this blog post. I have learned that taking a short nap makes me more tired and grumpy because I do not get to keep sleeping, so I opted out.

My eyelids feel so heavy and I still have a long evening ahead of me. Kevin and I need to feed the girls dinner, bathe them, get them into pajamas, and start their bedtime routine. Once they are asleep we need to figure out dinner. I'll probably do 1-2 loads of laundry, shower (because I am so gross from not showering last night), clean up the kitchen, wash bottles and baby dishes, and prepare for tomorrow- when this all starts over again.

There have been numerous times I have wondered what my life would be like right now if I didn't have kids. I wouldn't be exhausted. I would have more free time, more money, more date nights. Some days, I don't care about all that stuff because my girls bring me so much joy. Some days are tougher to get through. But at the end of the day I would do my exhausting daily routine twice if it meant my daughters were provided for, healthy, and happy.

                             I'm a parent. I'm exhausted. And I will be both of those things until I die.